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Abortion is a hot topic these days. Conservatives are doing everything they can to get it banned. To make it so if a woman gets pregnant her onlie solutions are to be pregnant or try to obtain an illegal (and therefore probablie unsafe) abortion.

I’ve always had opinions on abortions, because I have opinions on the value of a woman’s life. I think my life, and by extension, all women’s lives and goals are important. An unwanted child can make those lives difficult to impossible and those goals unacheivable.

We live in a culture that wants to punish women for having sex. It’s said so often that no one even thinks of the justice in the statement, “If she didn’t want to be pregnant she shouldn’t have had sex.” Because women should be punished for sex, but men should be praised.

And no one who says that the life of a fetus matters, and wants to ban abortions to protect that life values the life of women. I recentlie gave birth. And I love my child, but I am in my thirties and I planned to have that child. It was not forced on me.

A child is a lot of work, but let’sjust pretend you’re forced to give birth to a child you don’t want and then you put it up for adoption. You’ve still have to go through a pregnancie and labor. Should we talk about maternal mortality statistics in this country? The risk of death or disability goes up if you’re poor. Can we talk instead about the work of being pregnant?

It’s natural. Your body is supposed to do that. I was nauseated every day for 12 weeks. I threw up at least once a day, but don’t worry, that’s normal. Some women experience that AND WORSE every day of their TEN MONTH pregnancy. (10 months? you say. I thought it was onlie 9. Well that’s just a pleasant lie that someone tell you.)

So settle in for your 40 weeks of torture because you had sex once and this is what you DESERVE. It’s not torture? So lets take some prisoners and force them to be nauseated for 12 weeks.  Lets make them vomit once a day minimum. Then lets have them put on 40 pounds in under a year. Lets double the fluid volume in their body. Lets give them diabetes and high blood pressure. Oh?  That would be cruel and unusual?

No shit Sherlock.

Pregnancie is not a beautiful blissful thing. It’s work. Say you’re an athletic young woman who rides her bike to work. Now it hurts just to stand. Maybe you alreadie have health problems, their about to get worse. Your stomach muscles will tear. The bones of your hips will shift. Your feet will swell.

And everyone you know will treat you like a child. Should you be permitted to carry things heavier than ten pounds, you adorable little thing? Can you reallie manage that all on your own you precious duck you?  Now imagine you’re fat and you’re in pain and you’re about to go through some seriouslie rough HOURS of pain because someone said you should be punished because you had sex once.

We wouldn’t let pregnancie happen to a murder, but a woman? Women are worthless and so are their lives. They aren’t doing anything better. That’s what anit abortion legislation says. I have a dutie to this babie they tell me. What is their dutie to me? What am I as a fully functioning adult owed?

So I am forced to give birth to this child and I lost my job because parental leave isn’t a thing. Oh and I didn’t have sick days either. Also I’m thousands of dollars in debt because healthcare in this country in horrifying. So Now i’m jobless and in debt. So I ask for assistance. And it never comes because we hate freeloaders in this country. And I can’t look for jobs because I have no one to watch my child. And I finallie get one and my child is sick but i can’t do anything about it because I’m choosing between food, rent and doctor’s bills. And some well meaning day care worker calls CYA and they take my child.

And this is the worst part. Here I am standing in the ruins of my life without the child that I’ve fallen in love with and knowing there is no good way forward.

This isn’t every woman’s storie, but for it to ANY woman’s storie is a crime. You want to say that abortion is murder?  FOrcing an unwilling woman to carry a pregnancie to term and labor for a child is worse than murder. You take her Independence. You steal her choices. You destroy her body. And then you leave her. You tell her that every bad thing in her life is her fault. And even worse, you tell her she’s not worthie of ANY good things.

That’s what anti abortion laws do. They steal the humanitie from women and give it to a pile of cells that can’t survive without her. They take a person with hopes and dreams and goals and turn her into something only good for incubating.

A child IS a beautiful thing. But so are the adults those children grow into. There are plenty of pregnancies in this world that are planned, or if unplanned, still wanted. Don’t force pregnancie on people. It’s inhumane.

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On Anger

Today the world talks about toxic masculinitie. About how men are taught that the onlie appropriate emotion is anger.

I would say that many people learn this. That anger is the only safe emotion. joy is fragile sadness is weak. Anger is a clean pure fire that will burn everything else away. It’s not a good emotion, but it’s safe…until it isn’t.

It keeps anyone from reaching you and there is safety in that, but no one can do it alone and therein lies the danger of anger. Anger keeps anyone from getting close.  It keeps people and by extension love and help at a safe distance. This is when anger stops being safe.

The problem with anger tho is that it tells you that this distance isn’t your fault. You’ve done nothing wrong. You’re angrie for a reason and that reason is someone else’s fault. They’ve hurt you.

I’ve always been angrie. I will agrue any point and die on everie hill and it is so so easie for me to reach that point where my anger backs me into a corner and it’s anyone’s fault but mine. And I’ve been working on this.

This is what I’ve come to. It’s not the anger that’s the problem.  It’s what I do with it. If you use your anger like a flamethrower that’s a problem. If you use it like a highlighter maybe that’s ok. You take your anger and use it like a floodlight. THIS is wrong, but instead of going to the place where you want to burn it all down maybe you reallie LOOK.

Find the real thing that is wrong and point it out. And then work to get rid of it. And the easiest way to do this was to realize how angrie with my anger I had become. How enraged it made me that I couldn’t talk to the people I love without hurting them. How I would cut anyone who hurt me and stand there in silence as if it meant nothing.

And so now I tell people. That hurt my feelings. And here’s the thing… it makes you vulnerable, but you shouldn’t needed to be protected from people that care. And that’s the thing that I had to learn. The people that love you don’t mean to hurt you. But hurt happens. highlight it. Tell them.

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