Sometimes I think of rage as the physical act of anger. As the feel of my molars pressed rock hard into each other. The muscle in my jaw twitching and jumping away under the relentless pressure of a mind that doesn’t know how to escape. The ache in my hands gripped too tight around whatever was near by when it hit.
And it hits.
Sometimes your just upset, that odd mixture of anger and sadness, maybe tinged with disappointment. A moppie emotion that doesn’t take you anywhere. Just leaves you drifting on a wave of loss and confusion.
Sometimes there’s anger… it’s loud, harsh. Brash and thoughtless. It’s a more forgiving emotion than rage tho. It’s like a storm off the ocean that will blow it self out.
But rage is like the pressure of tectonic plates. It’s inexorable. It grinds and shoves and hurts. And you will break yourself on your rage. You will rip down the buildings you constructed with loving hands and you will burn up the last of your love. Rage is a force.
And it picks you up and traps you in the grind. Here is your pitiful little body, your ridiculous preferences and cares. Look at your plans and your goals and your hopes. What is that? What is that?
It’s futility. And that’s rage.
Rage is defeat. It the emotion for people too broken to admit to sadness or despair. It’s frenetic and kinetic and it feels like an accomplishment.
It’s becoming entropy.
Some people get depressed. They give up. They quit. They cease production and close down the shop, but not you. You smash the machinery. You set fire to the shop and when all that is done you immolate the creator.
And that’s what rage will get you.
Bleaker than anything the folks at Bethesda can imagine.
Recognize what you’re feeling. Just because you’re still moving doesn’t mean you haven’t given up. Fight the rage. The depression. The entropy.
Beat it down and build things up. Make something, learn something, read something. Take one thing that wasn’t there before and give it to the world.