Once upon a time I tried to write a book… reallie a couple times upon a time. They were always about love, but one in particular was about the perfect way to fall in love. One of those stories that you could tell people and they’d either want to vomit or they go, “Awwww” in that reallie sappie way.
And the thing is… Well, I”m not the most mature of people. I hear the word penis about four times a day on average and I still want to giggle. My teacher used the word masturbation in class and I wanted to laugh. I’m frightened of getting married. I’m afraid to admit how important things are to me.
So, I’m dating this guy. And I like to pretend that it’s NBD. It’s hard tho, when you run into people who’ve known you for awhile. I was talking to a girl I used to hang out with much more often than I do now and we were catching up and she asked me how things were going in the whole L-O-V-E department and I told her that they were suprisinglie reallie good. And I start talking about him, cause who doesn’t love to brag about their boyfriend? And she says, “Wait, is that that guy you used to go see all the time? THe one I met that one time?” And I turn red. I’m good at turning red. And I admit that yes that’s him. And she gushes, “You’re dating him now? That’s so great! You must be so happie.”
And I don’t want people to get the wrong idea. I don’t want them to think that my life is perfect, because there are hard bits… namelie school, but also the fact that I’m insane (not clinicallie or anyhting, but still…). None the less, I AM reallie happie. Often. Too often.
And it’s hard, because I used to know a person that I would always accuse of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I used to tell them that they wanted to be miserable because they were always expecting the worst. I’m not saying I”m unhappie, but I’m scared. Because I don’t think that people ARE this happie, and if I reallie am then something has to go wrong somewhere… right?
But that’s my crazie talking I’m sure. And I’m starting to think that even if it’s not perfect, it can be perfect enough. So maybe this might be kind of a big deal…