If you haven’t seen it, you’ve certainlie heard of it… the infamous pubertie video that tells teenagers that they are in fact normal, that everyone goes through this… don’t worry it’ll all be over soon. But puberty is really just the begining of the problem. They describe the physical changes in painstakinglie humiliating detail. The first pubic hair, under arm hair, wet dreams (or as they prefer, nocturnal emissions), the development of breasts.
They never really say why we do these things they simplie set out to make it terriblie clear that THIS IS NORMAL. But what about after?
What after you say? puberty ends, life goes on… but puberty occurs for a reason… it turns a sexless little semi human into a fullie functioning sexual human being. So now you like boys or girls or both… and you start to find ways to be with them. To what end you’re not reallie certain, but you want. So you hunt.
No one calls it this, but reallie, why not? A group of men or women out for an evening dressed in what they think makes them look “good”. They’re laughing and having a good time and this is an important part of the process, because you don’t catch a partner by being a sad sack, but why are they trying so hard.
A nice basic answer is sex. Sex gets a lot of hype. And possiblie it should, but not the kind it does. You get told that sex is bad. That sex is dirty. That sex is only for people who are married… or opposite sexes, or “who love each other very much…”, or maybe you don’t get told anything at all, and you end up with a vague mental impression of nudity and something vaguelie exciting.
And like anything people are curious about, they want to know more. The saying is that curiousity killed the cat, but it’s much more likelie that curiousitie got you naked in the backseat of some car parked in an empty school parking lot. So sex is a good answer. People like sex, like talking about it, thinking about it, watching it. In fact most people like doing all these things more than they enjoy actuallie having sex.
For all those little girls out there who got told that boys only think about one thing… this is technically true, but it’s not always sex. In fact after the age of 18 it’s rarely sex. I mean gosh, when there’s football and video games and cars and all the other strangelie mundane substitutes for sex boys come up with, it’s a wonder they have time to think about sex at all.
So even if sex is one reason people hunt, it’s not the only reason. Is it to get married? Personallie, I’m going to say no to this one. This isn’t a popular opinion, or even a frequent one, but it’s mine (so I’m fond of it.) I think that people get married because eventuallie you’re going to need to. You start looking for someone to hold you and sleep with you and bring you soup when you’re sick and smile over your successes and cry with you over your tragedies almost as soon as you feel “grown up”. (the feel part is important.)
and the sex is a bonus. It’s like my vibrator. His name is Percie and he’s a good vibrator. He gets the job done, when the job needs to be done, but he’ll never sneek into the bathroom to watch me shower, or stop me and say, “you’re so hot.” He rarely goes out for ice cream with me, and he never ever puts his hand out in a way that lets me know that he’d reallie like it if I put mine in his.
But is this what we’re hunting for? Are we looking for a bodie to lie next to at night, or a hand to hold in public? Are we looking for sex? The trickie answer is Yes. Yes we are looking for all these things and then some. We are looking for someone that gets us. That knows that we’re an insecure mess held together with hope and so many years of survival.
The right answer is that we’re looking for magic. That’s why people love weddings. Because weddings are magic. Even when they go spectacularie wrong, the magic is still visible. It’s why one night stands hold such fascination. They are pure fantasie. You don’t know this person, you can’t, but for one night they will fulfill your sexual fantasies. With magic there’s the anticipation and the suspense. The constant feeling of holding your breath waiting for the inevitable. Magic makes people want.
The thing is that in any long term relationship you can’t have magic twenty four seven. It’s difficult to have it for even just the twenty four sometimes. I think that to make a relationship work though you can have mostlie the normal… if it is normal after all?
Should I be upset about this? Are we taking things to fast? How soon is too soon to sleep with him? Where are we going with this? Am I overreacting? Are they the one?
And you take it… and you make parts of it magical. I don’t know how you do it.
Every person wants different things, but the things that you do to reallie make something magical is you work out what someone reallie wants, without them ever telling you and you find it, and give it to them. And that’s hard work… and maybe it’s not always worth it.
But maybe sometimes it is…