So recently someone asked me where I saw myself in five years. And I thought about it for a few moments and answered “I don’t.”
And it’s not like I think I’ll be dead although of course that’s a possibilitie. It’s just that I can’t picture the future with any sort of accuracie. I don’t make plans… and when I do they’re tentative. Things don’t happen until they happen.
I just don’t have the kind of relationship with the future that so many people do. It’s not really a real thing to me. But I’m still bothered by this question. I keep trying to picture myself off in the future… the year 2014 age 29… doing something. Anything.
I can make geusses. I’ll be working in healthcare somewhere. Likelie as a nurse. Hopefullie the economie will have improved by then and I’ll be making decent money. I prollie won’t be living in Phillie anymore, maybe somewhere with a little more grass and trees. There will be beer in my fridge and lunch meat… sandwich makings. I’ll have a gallon of milk in my place and maybe a pitcher of ice tea. Maybe I’ll be living with someone. It’s probable. It’ll prollie still be an apartment, but I bet you there will be a good amount in my savings account so that maybe someday… and someday soon I can put a down payment on a house. I’ll prollie be driving a Jeep, of one sort or another. I should have a new laptop by then and maybe a room where my desktop is set up. Maybe I’ll own a Wii, but prollie not, I’ll still be too poor for that (but maybe the price will go down.)
The thing is I can see how the future might be but I have trouble picturing myself in relation to it. I know I’ll still walk a lot of place, but I can’t see myself walking anywhere. I’ll still have an herb garden, but I can’t even picture myself watering it. I’ll still read my webcomics, and sleep on Cloud. I’ll own lots of books and sit down somewhere to read one at least once a day.
I geuss I can be glad that the ACE program has taught me something about the future. Which is that you need a relationship with it. You need to know about it and what to expecct from it, but that you should focus on today, and maybe tomoro, because anything else is overwhelming. Life is an enormous thing… maybe bigger than the universe.
And maybe I’ll never be able to picture my self standing in the kitchen of a house I painted baking a cake for a partie. Or walking down the aisle to stand next to a man that I love, or to be reallie honest, pretty much anything that I don’t already do. Which I know… lacks serious imagination.
But the thing is, just because I don’t see it, doesn’t mean it won’t happen. Anything can happen from one moment to the next… and just think how many moments are in one day let alone five whole yaers.
But still, whatever I’m doing then, I bet it will be good.