I’ve started writing you letters again. It’s like keeping a diary except all addressed to you. It’s scary because I know I should only be worrying about school right now, but I’m always thinking about you. It’s so unfair, that you mean so much to me. I always think that I’m over the part of me that hates loving you so much, but it shows up in sneakie ways.
Sometimes I try to hurt you… on purpose… just to make sure I can. That’s insane I know.. why would I want to hurt you? But I"m terrified all the time. I don’t want to be… but I don’t know how to love you as much as I do, without seeming desperate or needie or too much… I want to be with you… not always, but often. I want to sleep next to you.
I want to be able to kiss you whereever, whenever I want…
I hope this is real… and it scares me that I still want you this badlie.